Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
