it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
