Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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