when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
