There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
