me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
