He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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