ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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