That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize