im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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