guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
