A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
