Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
