Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
