Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
