I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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