And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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