i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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