4 words: hood of his car
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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