Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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