problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
