I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
