I hate all girls vehemently.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
