I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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