Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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