Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
