she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize