There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize