i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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