Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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