If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
