When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
