My room smells like vodka and shame
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
