So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
