I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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