i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
