So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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