you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
