We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
