I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
