it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
