I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
