it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
