we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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