Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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