Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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