One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
