I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
