hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
