New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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