It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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