he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
