This dress was meant to end up on your floor
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize