Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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