Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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