Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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