i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
