Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
They took my balls.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
