Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
