You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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