I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
