Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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