We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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