Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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