I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
