exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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