you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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