How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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