I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
