my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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