true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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