Cold hands, warm shart.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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