Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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